Blogging is not for Extroverts

I’ve become that person I always avoid, the friend I spy in the produce section at the grocery store who now sells jewelry at home parties or looks fabulous thanks to a prehistoric diet. If I say hello, she’ll act so happy to see me and just sure I’ll want to book a party or reclaim my youth with meat and vegetables. I quickly veer left to the pasta in aisle 5.

But now I’m her. Since Craig and I started the blog, every conversation I have points to one of our posts. You mention your mother? We wrote about mine. Your marriage? Covered ours. Communication issues? Hit that too. Decorating, reading, gardening? Check, check, check. It’s remarkable how much we’ve covered in just 10 days. And I want everyone I know to be engaged, passing the blog along to others and letting me know how transformative it is.

Yesterday Craig said he wanted to hide from all the readers. In my case, readers (or potential readers) want to hide from me.

Yet all my talk is really just a covering. Inside I’m filled with fear. Where Craig fears exposure before an unknown audience, I’m petrified we won’t have an audience. I’m thankful for friends who are following our posts, but what if nobody else cares? What if those who care now get bored with us? Can anyone really care enough to satisfy my ravenous insecurity?

Saturday I had a guest post on a blog that’s followed by hundreds, maybe thousands, of people, and I sat all morning before my WordPress dashboard waiting to see a multitude of readers click from her blog to mine. None came. I did have a nice email chat with my younger sister, but that was it. At lunchtime, I closed my laptop, started laundry, changed the sheets, weeded the garden, and later Craig and I ate dinner with friends. I ignored the computer. Or at least I didn’t check it more than once an hour.

By the end of the day, just a handful of people had clicked on our site, hardly the bump I had anticipated. (I feel your pain, Mitt Romney.) I headed to bed a bit dejected and picked up my new book, Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. The title is based on a quote from Teddy Roosevelt, which says in part: “It is not the critic who counts…. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, … who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, … who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Brené says that to dare greatly is to be vulnerable and to open ourselves to engage in life. It feels like Craig and I are doing that; we’re pushing our skills in new directions. I’m just hoping I can trust my voice – both written and spoken – and stop pushing so hard to prove my worthiness.

Comments

  1. Eric Disney says:

    Thank you for sharing your journey–I personally find it very authentic in a world filled with falseness and lack of truth–if David and Jessie [did I get their names right?] haven’t already given you a head’s up about the message given by Isaac Anderson at Jacob’s Well last Sunday, I would encourage you to listen online–30 or so minutes of heartbreakingly beautiful wisdom about who we are as God’s creation…yeah, yeah, heard that before, you say, but I guarantee [especially after reading this blog entry], Lee, that it will speak to your heart. Can’t wait to hear and see more from you guys!!!

  2. Kevin Meyer says:

    Lee, Craig,

    I admire both of you for what you are endeavoring to do here. You are putting yourselves out there, stepping into the arena, and daring to fail in front of everyone. I can’t speak for everyone, but I certainly have never expected perfection from you or anyone. In fact, thinking about it now… if you two were perfect, you would have no place talking to any of us about your “real” experiences. Your inevitable imperfections make you inarguably worthy of sharing and connecting with us. Thanks for standing up and stepping out in courage.

    You might have already seen these, considering what you’re reading, but I wanted to pass them along. I watched them earlier this year and am pretty sure I will never forget them.

    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

    Love you both!

    Kevin

  3. I just read from your mother blog entry to this one. Loved your painting by the way. You and Craig have a multiple stories to tell and the best one is that you are doing this together. I also read Ann’s comment on your guest blog and I second that comment. Thanks for the warm place to visit.

  4. Deep thoughts, by one and all, it’s addictive isn’t it Lee? But, you two have a wealth of interesting life experience to share and I for one think it is terrific. I am following you everyday, and want to say thanks for letting all of us behind the curtain. Linder

  5. Yes, you are truly Daring Greatly. I am impressed.

  6. you both are definitely worthy… and loved : )

  7. Cindy Meyer says:

    This response is for both Lee (the extrovert) and Craig (the introvert) as you embrace this foray into an unknown land of new experience and expression. Maybe this blog is nothing more than a conformity to the modern expectations of a technological era. Then again, perhaps your blog is what Brennan Manning would classify as an invitation to “2nd Journeys”, where the Jesus follower relinquishes the faith, hope and love of their earlier journey (including all that we feel comfortable with, as well as that which we avoid like the plague) to go deeper, and begins to deal with the inner fears that inhibit them in their journey with Christ. They now face the need to detach from their long-held or preconceived notions of what it looks like to follow Christ so they can begin the process of attachment to trusting God, and God alone, with their personal identity and spiritual journey.
    The Apostle Paul addresses the significance of these painful experiences in the following.
    “There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.” Philippians 1:29 (The Message)
    Perhaps my words are wisdom; perhaps they’re nothing but hot air. At any rate, you are being courageous–together & individually. May God’s grace and peace be with you as you continue onward in this new adventure!!

    • Lee Lueck says:

      Who can ever know what God hopes to do in our lives? We can only move forward (or back) with what seems right at the time. If we had had such big thoughts as you imagine, we probably would have been scared to death and never done this. If that’s the path we’re on, Lord, have mercy.